Thursday, March 22, 2012

Word Story

 Author's Note: This story was for lit group where we had to use the underlined words in our story. I couldn't really think of something good to write about and be able fit the words in. I was able to put all of our words in this story but this piece was a real bust for me. 

It's  mid march here in New York and it's getting warmer outside.  The sun is just peaking through the windows this morning as I sit here in my chair eating Cookie Crisp.  I turn on the TV and see Mr. Crabs wearing a tank top diving off a waterfall after a Krabby Patty.  I flip through the channels and see a platypus, lightning and a ghostly kid. I give up trying to find something watch so I grab my bike a go for a ride through the city. I pass by Rosalie the owner of the flower shop.  She's using a hammer to put up a sign with a large rose on it. As I continue riding along the street I see all of the stores are buzzing with people. There are a ton of people but there is never as many as when Hanukah and the Christmas season are in full swing. Luckily it's past that time so I can easily get past all of the people on the streets. Finally I pass the largely popular petting zoo named Bob's where there is a fluffy  alpaca standing inside a fenced area right by the street. It's pretty cool so I stop and take a look I've never seen one before. I watch it for a while and then bike back to my house for lunch because I'm already getting hungry.

When I get back home I walk into the kitchen to make a sandwich. I grab an orange soda out of the refrigerator and sit down on the couch to eat my lunch. It was pretty good morning I think and it was. I find the remote again and turn on the TV and actually find something good to watch. After I'm done I get in my car and head to the YMCA to meet up with my friends and play some basketball and work out. Once where done we drive to Buffalo Wild Wings to have some dinner. We drive around town stopping here and there not doing much of anything. When I get home its about 10:00 so I just fall asleep thinking  this was a pretty great day.

5 comments:

  1. The conclusion sentence really pulls the story together for this piece, but until then, it seems like it didn't really have a plot line. However, you used the words effectively so good job!

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  2. I would try not to just throw a bunch of words right into one sentence. (the one where you are flipping through the channels.) But I agree with Riah, the ending really pulled it together. It was a little random, but with the hard assignment, you did a great job.

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  3. I agree with Riah, your story didn't really have a plotline. You sort of put a lot of words together to wrap up one small writing piece. There was also some spelling mistakes that stood out to me. Also, I agree with Riah again on how the conclusion sentence really ends the piece well. Other than thoe miner mistakes, your piece was well written. Good job!

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  4. Response to "Word Story"
    I think that the beginning of the story was jammed with a bunch of words and you wanted to get through the piece quickly. I believe that you ran out of words at the end, and you were tired of writing, you just through together the rest of the day with the YMCA scene and the Buffalo Wild Wings scene. I do like your word choice, and you might want to work on your idea development and content. Great Job.
    ~Redmon

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  5. I agree with Redmon, it seamed almost all of the words in the story were in three or four sentences. I also agree that you may have run out of words towards the end. The word choice was good and it was very descriptive. Good Job.

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